Laying awake tonight... Restless and itchy inside. I feel the urger to get something out of me...
I'm often posting (on various social media) with the exclamation of "hey, look!!" and "yay" and "thrilled"
but I just need to be honest and say that I feel self-conscious about doing this.
In fact if we were speaking in person about my work, I would probably feel really awkward and uncomfortable.
I shared at a guild meeting tonight and I felt that way.
It's something I've been struggling with more and more lately....
For some reason it doesn't feel so strange on the computer screen, to say "hey, look at this thing I did..." "I really like it"
however, in real life, I get all tongue tied!
What is this fear/discomfort and how do I get rid of it?
It's really important for me to work through this.
I want to be able to share myself. I want to feel confident.
I've poured so many hours into this project and I love it so much.
I don't want to seem ungrateful, when I awkwardly say.. "oh, it's really no big deal..." because that is far from the truth!
It's a huge deal, to me, and I am very grateful!! I'm proud, but I'm scared.
Maybe the truth is that I don't want it to be a big deal, because if it's a big deal, then I could potentially be a big flop.
Putting ones work out into the world is terribly scary. Especially when it's something as objective as design...
and I often feel like an amateur.
Finally, I just want to ask that the world be gentle with me.